The past two weeks have been off-routine for me. I had to skip the Wednesday doggie update, and for that I apologize. Today’s post is also going to be a little off-topic, as I haven’t been working much on my drawing/painting efforts. A week ago yesterday I had a job interview that I spent a lot of time preparing for. I felt great about how I did, and I was on pins and needles all this week hoping to hear that I got the job. Yesterday I got the letter saying another applicant had been chosen.
The feeling of let-down was intense. The job was one that I would have enjoyed — not just something to do to pay bills. I would have been able to learn new things, exercise some of my creative muscles, and not be cooped up in a lab or an office or tied to a computer all day every day. In a word — ideal. But not to be. And that is the way my life has been going for the past several months. I’ve had other job interviews, and thought I had the job in the bag, but no dice. Just when I would get over one disappointment and get back to the “okay, I’m going to make something of this blogging thing and figure out how to make it pay me,” I’d get a call for another interview, and have to get all pumped up about a new job possibility. To say it made me feel a bit schizophrenic would be putting it mildly.
But I have learned some coping mechanisms — many of which involve chocolate. Fortunately for me in this case, the new Star Trek movie came out this week, and the Science Fiction Channel is having a two-day Star Trek “Trekathon.” So I can watch space fantasy while munching on my Oreos. Escapist Nirvana. I also have some writing to catch up on (like what I’m doing now), and a project to finish for my monthly jewelry artists’ guild meeting tomorrow.
Maybe I could become a job-interview-failure-recovery coach. But how lame would that be? After a while, you get used to being disappointed; you almost come to expect it. More lameness. I remember many years ago, my dad gave me a little wooden wall hanging for a birthday gift or something. It had a photo of a cocker spaniel lying in the grass looking all relaxed and cute, with the saying, “Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.” I remember thinking about it for a while and wondering, “is he trying to tell me something?” But he told me he picked it up and thought the dog was cute, so he got it, before he took time to read it and think about it. Anyway, it’s something I’m reminded of at times like this — that there’s some comfort in the thought that, if you can learn to not lower but suspend your expectations, you can blunt the pain a bit.
It helps to have fall-back options, or activities to distract yourself with, if nothing else. It is dangerous to grow overly attached to or identified with a job, or a notion of a job, even. Any more, jobs don’t follow the kinds of traditional patterns some of us grew up with — us Baby Boomers. But I think it’s fabulous to see things start to change like this. I have struggled a long time with the idea that to be a “writer” I have to follow the same path that writers have always followed. I have even been bothered by the “what if no one buys my books and all those trees were chopped down and made into paper for nothing?” That wouldn’t sit right with me. Yes, I really would squirm all the way to the bank. I promise.
But I’ve decided to follow the cyber-publishing path, instead. No gate keepers deciding whether what I’ve written will have any popular appeal. My “audience” can decide directly. Since one of my favorite pastimes is reading, I plan to write a lot of book reviews. With practice, I may reach a point where I can contact publishers and request books to review before publication. That would be cool, and people pay for those things. In the meantime, I will set up ways to make this website pay for itself, and maybe some of my bills, too. I may also have to allow some ads on my site. This is my new job. It is a work in progress.
